Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
