Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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