I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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