yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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