Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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