yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
