it hurts more in the daytime
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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