i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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