Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize