Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
