my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
