And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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