It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
