My room smells like vodka and shame
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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