Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
