I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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