I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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