FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
