if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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