Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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