I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
