Umm I'm too high to move.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
