Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
