New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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