Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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