the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
