Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
