Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
