Pants 0. Shit 1.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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