I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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