sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
