I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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