Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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