omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
