hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
