Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
