I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
