i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
