just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You pole danced in your parka.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
