Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can Purell be used as lube?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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