Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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