i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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