I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
