he was CRYING into my vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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