I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
