He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
