You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
