I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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