I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How does one acquire holy water?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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