I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
