I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
