That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
