So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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