so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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