So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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