The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
