I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
