Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it hurts more in the daytime
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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