I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
