96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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