I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
