Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
