Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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