It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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