Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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