it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
