I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
