Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
They have beer where we have blood.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
