Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize