Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had sex on a roof
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
